A Night By The Fire
by Kal Kally
Summary: Is Gon really that innocent and carefree? Does Killua really hate his family that much? Gon and Killua show how much importance they are to each other. Slightly shounen ai.


A night by the fire  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Hunter x Hunter and its characters belong to Togashi Yoshihiro, not me.  
  
  
  
  
  
Warning: None.  
  
  
  
  
  
Pairing: Maybe slightly shounen ai with Gon/Killua, but it can be understood in a completely not shounen ai way.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"You're sad again." Gon commented as he joined Killua to sit by the fire. They were on a broad grassland. They still had a long way to go, but as sunset had come, they decided to rest here.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Am I?" Killua just shrugged. "No, you're wrong. Why must I be sad?" It was true. Even though his heart was bleeding and so was his soul, he didn't feel the sadness. He had stopped feeling sadness a long time ago, from the time he still hadn't met Gon yet.  
  
  
  
  
  
"I don't know." Gon thought for a moment, then chose his words carefully. "But I know you're not feeling happy. Your eyes, they showed only pain and loneliness. Do you feel homesick?"  
  
  
  
  
  
Killua laughed, even though there was no humor in his laughers. The flame flickering, painted his face in a dim light. "No, I never once regretted leaving that house. It feels so good to never come back there again."  
  
  
  
  
  
"You're lying." Gon said without turning his head to Killua's side. He kept staring at the flame. "No one left his home without missing it. Have you never felt the love for your family keep haunting you? The memories of your home keep calling you?"  
  
  
  
  
  
"It's what you feel, right?" Killua mumbled. "But should I remind you that, unlinking you, I have no happy memories of that house, not a little bit to make me want to go back there. I don't miss my 'so-called' home." His voice cracked, even though he struggled to keep his facade on, something strangely like pain still seeped into his words. "I don't want to return to it. And God, I know no one would miss me even if I died."  
  
  
  
  
  
After a long pause. Killua added. "You, who never knew about loneliness, who had a perfect family... you would never understand."  
  
  
  
  
  
Another long pause. Then sounds of rumbled grass followed as Gon lay down on the soft glass. Night had come with its darkness falling on everything. Even the light from the bright flame couldn't penetrate through the thick darkness. "There were still people who love you in your home. It's just that you've never bothered to notice it."  
  
  
  
  
  
"I told you, you wouldn't understand me." Killua bit his lips and said angrily. His hands sub consciously picked up some grass leaves from the ground and crumbled them. Let the grass fall down, Killua snorted. "You're too different from me to understand."  
  
  
  
  
  
"I'm nothing different from you." Gon said quietly. "If that family of me were so perfect. I wouldn't be out here traveling to God-know-where. I spent my childhood wishing my parents would stand by my side like fathers and mothers of other kids. The thought that my father left because I'm too worthless to him haunted me every night. Am I more happy than you?"  
  
  
  
  
  
Silence fell again. Killua lay down beside his friend. From this position, he had a clear view of the sky. The moon had traveled high among the stars and was now shining brightly. From time to time, it would disappear behind the clouds. "Why are you telling me this?" His voice was barely audible. "Seeking sympathy?"  
  
  
  
  
  
"No. If I want to be pitied, I would never come to you." Go closed his eyes for a brief moment, and then opened them again. He turned his head to Killua and said with a sad smile. "I just feel we're alike, you and I. Both have some family problems. Both feel pain but deny it. Both wear masks that prevent the outside world to see the real us. Am I right?"  
  
  
  
  
  
"Maybe. But even if you're right, then what?" Killua stood up and walked away from the fire. Suddenly he couldn't stand the conversation for any other minutes. "If you're like me. Then you should know the pains in my heart, the pains that don't even exist there, and maybe in your heart also, could not be healed just by words."  
  
  
  
  
  
Killua stopped somewhere on the meadow. He stared at the darkness, but his eyes didn't really see anything. He hugged himself, feeling cold. Was it because between him and the fire there was a great distance now? Was it the only reason?  
  
  
  
  
  
There were footsteps heading to him, and then a small hand placed on his right shoulder. "Killua..."  
  
  
  
  
  
"You should have known my heart beats alone..." Killua said without turning back.  
  
  
  
  
  
"What more could I say? Words cannot do anything good for any of us. They only confuse us, the greatest thing they may do is fooling us for a while. But..." Gon suddenly hugged him from behind. As they were of the same height, Killua could feel Gon's breath warm on his neck. "But don't hide your self from me. I let you, and only you see the real me, so let me see the real you as well. I cannot say the future would turn out to be bright for us. But together, I believe we have strength to overcome anything."  
  
  
  
  
  
Killua sighed and leaned to Gon. For a brief of time, he enjoyed being near Gon, and then he turned around and took the other boy's hand. "It's turning cold. Come back to the fire. Tomorrow, we have to leave early."  
  
  
  
  
  
"Hai." Gon nodded and followed Killua. "One day, you know, your family would love and accept you as who you are." He said softly.  
  
  
  
  
  
Killua's hand around his own tightened. "And one day, your father would tell you that you're no where near being worthless."  
  
  
  
  
  
The fire was dying out. Killua put more pieces of wood into it. The fire turned strong again. Both of them sit down beside it, watching the flame dancing in darkness.  
  
  
  
  
  
'They are only wishes." Gon whispered, he rested his head on Killua's shoulder. "And wishes are only dreams that would never come true. But I don't know why I keep hoping all those time, and now still."  
  
  
  
  
  
"Don't give up your hope." Killua stroke his friend's hair. "Your hope is like a disease. Somehow it crept into me as well. Maybe it was crushing, burning, breaking both of us. Maybe it was dragging our souls away. But it surely gives us something to hold on. Something to believe in also. Never give up your hope." Killua sighed as he felt Gon's body shaking. He didn't need to look to know there were no tears, and he knew Gon was weeping inside. Maybe he was also.  
  
  
  
  
  
They stayed that way for a long time, the harsh reality that burned them each day temporarily faded. The world to both of them reduced to only the other. Both knew the sweet silence would soon break and soon, another day would start. Another day to bear the pain. Another day haunted by loneliness. Another day to fight with their own fates.  
  
  
  
  
  
But at that moment, they had each other. And that was enough.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Owari. 


End file.
